Scott Summers is Sooooo Whiny

Have you ever wished you had laser beams that would shoot out of your eyes? Maybe you were on the freeway and some guy cut you off and you thought, "If only there were some way to completely obliterate this guy and his vehicle." Don't worry, we've all had thoughts like that. But what would you do with a guy who actually could shoot high-powered energy beams our of his eyes, but constantly whined and complained about it like he was born with some great curse?

One of the most disappointing recurring plot lines in the early X-Men comics is that Cyclops is always whining about his power and wishing he didn't have it. It's the reason he doesn't have the guts to tell Jean how he feels. It's the reason he doesn't take any R&R when the rest of the X-Men do. He has this constant fear that he'll accidentally hurt someone, but he never does. The whole thing has just reached a point where it's annoying. If Professor X doesn't step in soon, I think I'll go crazy. I love Cyclops as a character and I always have. From the previous incarnations of X-Men that I have been exposed to (mainly movies and TV shows) Cyclops is this almost stoic character with three real lines of thought: 1) I love Jean 2) I hate Wolverine 3) I will do whatever Professor X asks. This whole business with, "Why me? Why am I the one burdened with a power than anyone else on earth would give a precious body part for?" is just getting stale. Look at the picture above and tell me how many issues of that you're willing to endure. As a matter of fact, hold on a minute. I think I can pull up a more recent picture of the man.

As you can see, he's very big on the emo music now. And it's not Cap'n Jazz and Sunny Day Real Estate emo either. It's the Boys Like Girls variety that 12 year old girls with pink hair are into. He got his ears pierced and is always wearing super tight girl pants. He goes through eyeliner like he's freaking Tammy Faye Bakker. He writes poetry all about how he has this unbearable sadness in his heart that is so deep and impenetrable that there isn't another human being on the planet who could possibly understand it. And yes, emo cliche of emo cliches, he's into cutting. It reminds him that he's still alive and that he still has to muddle through this meaningless life dragging around his incredible powers that any other person would feel blessed to have. Go cry emo Cyclops. Go cry.

Another thing I ran across in my X-Men reading that bothered me is pictured below:

Here's your chance to relive all those times you spent in the doctor's office looking at the only moderately non-boring part of Highlights magazine. What's wrong with this picture? If you noticed that Jean is telekinetically handing Hank a screwdriver when he clearly asked for pliers, give yourself a gold star. There are a few possibilities here: 1) Jean is the kind of person who will hand you the wrong tool on purpose just so she won't get asked to help 2) Jean is really, really dumb or 3) Hank knows she's sending up a screwdriver when he asked for pliers and his comment about Jean being a credit to her gender is an indication of his feeling that Jean should probably be out of the workshop and in the kitchen making him a sandwich. Either way, someone is messing with someone.

Now where's my No-Prize?